Stepping Out Of My Comfort Zone
Way back in the day, when I was a sprightly lass of 18, I was a Drama student. A 100% stagey, living in the drama studio, probably quite obnoxiously pretentious Drama student.
I loved it. Pratting about on the stage with a group of like-minded people. I got to play Puck and Hermia in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I got to write a whole piece based on the 1001 Arabian Nights (which included a song and a character of mine that had the audience in stitches – still very proud of that ha!). I got booed while attending a production of Brecht’s The Threepenny Opera for daring to mention Stanislavski. And I LOVED it. Looking back through my years in education, those 2 years at college studying for my A Levels were up there with the best.
Except, I had a bit of a pants boyfriend who was great at making me feel only a few inches tall. And he somehow managed to shatter all of my confidence in the year or so we were together before unceremoniously dumping me. There are a lot of four letter words I frequently use to describe him but I’m sure you can use your imagination there…
So instead of relishing my time on stage and taking it to the next level, I stopped. I didn’t audition to study Drama at university. I’d been convinced I wasn’t good enough, and I let that feeling fester until it soaked in to pretty much every bit of my life.
I think a big part of me has always regretted not doing something more. Fear stopped me, I know that. My struggle with Social Anxiety has a great deal to do with it too.
When we moved to Northampton I had to give up my last remaining link to the theatrical world – my job at the theatre I’d been working at for 8 years – and I quickly realised how much I missed that creative world. On a bit of a whim I emailed the local am dram group – The Duston Players, offering up my skills in PR and Photography and a willingness to help out backstage. It would mean keeping a toe in with theatre as well as having a chance to talk to some grown ups about something other than parenting.
And somehow from that quick message I now have a role in their next production! Not through traditional means mind you – there’s a story there about being tricked into auditioning, but I’m thankful for the directors’ evil genius streaks. I was too scared to audition, I wont lie. Although, going along to the auditions and seeing how they were run took a lot of that fear away, and before the end of the evening I was wishing I’d put my name down… it seems the directors anticipated that and sneakily got me to “read in” a few parts as a secret audition.
Stepping Out Of My Comfort Zone
A few weeks ago I couldn’t have imagined doing anything like this – god knows just plucking up the courage to send the email was tough enough. And I could have still said no; the voice in my head that lingers from over a decade of having very little self belief would have liked that very much. I’m a bit proud of myself just for going along in the first place, and I don’t think the reality of what I’ve agreed to has really hit me.
Stepping so far out of my comfort zone isn’t going to be easy, but when I think back to how much fun I had all those years ago at college, I can’t help but look forward to it all.
I’d best go start learning my lines…