Hi everyone, my name is X, and I am 2 and a bit years old. My Mummy runs this thing called a blog, and every now and then if I’m lucky, or she has writers’ block, she lets me take a spin on the keyboard.
This time I’d like to write about something that is really getting my goat at the minute – sleep.
I mean, let’s look at the facts people, what is sleep? It’s just hours of lying in a comfy space doing NOTHING. What’s the use in that? I could be charging around doing the opposite of what I’m being asked to do. Or making what Mummy calls a mess but I call creative genius.
Think of the space…
And that thing called a “bed”, or in my case a “cot” (despite repeated promises of a big boy bed soon…)? It just takes up so much potential playing space! Yes, I’ll admit, jumping on the bed is kind of fun and you can get a lot more height than just jumping from the floor. However, I’ve been on trampolines that do that same thing, so why do we need them? Just imagine how big the room would be if they weren’t there!
I’m not convinced Mummy and Daddy ever sleep. I think they like to pretend it’s necessary so that they can have some time alone with all my toys and my Bing DVDs.
Not only do they try to push this “sleep” nonsense of an evening after Daddy gets home, but Mummy really wants me to have another one in the day too?! Just when, precisely, am I supposed to have time to play?
I’m a busy kid, I’ve got pretend meals to carefully put together, metal cars to crash, Duplo trains to build… and who’s going to stop the cats pooping in the garden if I’m not there to shoo them?!
Sleep – It’s a conspiracy!
I’ve decided this sleep thing is a conspiracy against toddler-kind, and I intend to do something about it. So far my protest has involved staying awake until 10pm, requesting milk and cuddles, throwing toys out and pretending I’ve dropped them and it’s imperative that they are retrieved, changing my mind over whether I want my duvet or a sheet over me, deciding that I have the wrong blankie (I know they have several…) and my personal favourite – requesting a nappy change, because I know they won’t refuse that!
Granted, this plan doesn’t seem to be working all that well. The later I’m awake the shorter the amount of time each parent stays in the room, and the shorter their temper seems to get. Also, I appear to be very tired by midday, so my resolve against sleep fades somewhat after lunch and I find myself willingly snuggling up to my blankie and having interesting dreams – remind me to ask Mummy not to give me cheese sandwiches for lunch from here on in.
Toddlers – if you’re reading this and you sympathise, please get in touch. We should start a support group. Vive la résistance.